funniest daily show segment

i watched this running
on the treadmill
last week
in the gym
@ the loft

been waiting for it
on u tube
here it is

texas

a week without a blog
pics have been posted
much more to come
i was out of town
in dallas
and texas

so good to see old friends
family too...we got along
score one for healthy
disfunction score no comment
it's good to know
in small does
it can be done

they might be giants
is blaring full volume
dallas brings back
old music 4 me
maybe it's because
every bar there
plays music 10 yrs old

just went the doctor
who treated me like a lepor
i hate new doctors so much
blood was drawn
i will show the point
for days to come
reminded of days past

i am medically dependent
will be prob 4 ever
adhd gad sad
the letters seem arbitrary
the symtoms so real

a good friend
staying with me
driving me up
bananas
pms she blaims
accountablility??
responsibility??
the question 2 me
what the fuck ever

it is so true
you give
without expectations
as nothing will be gotten
in return

reign over me
is a film
that must be seen
by all
long, sad
yes
a must see
4 sure

peace

we cut each other off
she and me
finishe each others
stories
w/ stories
of our
own

adam sandler
on late late show
tonight
so adorable
great
not a talk show host
but nothing but good
all same

i bought lily allen's CD
tonight
out with
an old friend

funny that is
friendship

this hot bitch
i can't see
4
six months

yet 2 minutes
we're back at it
dick 2 dick
ass 2 ass
if u will

graphic i know
i'm going home
to tejas
got
2
get
it
OUT!

facebook

i never check my facebook
i joined the site
to look at pictures
a long time ago
i can barely handle my myspace
overwhelm

so the point is i really should
because my sole friend, my little brother
always sends me the best drunk emails
on facebook
giving me shit for not having friends

he's out of the country for months
so here's the email
a responce 2 something i wrote
god knows when
from price taylor
enjoy!

so since you're famous, i guess i hafta get used to you writing in poetry

i'm changing my political views to "ultra conservative" after spending a week with the Truitts... Mrs. Truitt has convinced me that modern society is trying to castrate the male, and that Nansi Pelosi is Satan

in just seven days
almost six
i will b
a quarter of a century old

i'm normally retardedly flippant
about my birthdays
but this one
not so much
wtf

why do people seek validation
why can't we just be ok
with ourselves

as i go into my 25th year
vision is clearer
life is beautiful
all is well
but up in the air
as is existence
wtf

i haven't stood up
in forever
i have dates booked
later this month
with nothing 2 talk about
flying by the seat of my pants
is me

tom i have a presentation
i will fly
without wings
hope springs eternal

there is no path
the path is made
by walking it

peace out
as she says
daily
annoying
maybe

12 step programs

I know I’m probably going to burn in hell for saying this, who are we kidding I was going to hell long ago. I do not get twelve step programs. I mean I’m all for anything that helps someone get better. But how naïve is it to believe ones life is fully manageable by just following twelve steps. Twelve steps to changing a flat on a car? Maybe. I wouldn’t know I’ve never done it. Lets break this down.

The first step is to admit you are powerless and your life has become unmanageable due to blank (insert ailment, drug, alcohol, addiction here). Frankly if one has really become “powerless” and their life is “unmanageable” then I think whatever they’re wasting time in that meeting for is probably the least of their problems.

The second step is realizing that a power greater than oneself will return one to sanity. What power are we talking about? A chemical plant? Let’s face it, and trust me on this, when you’re sanity is gone – IT’S GONE!

The third step is something about turning your life over to god…blah di blah blah. It’s boring and stupid. If I’m turning my life over to anyone it’d be to the state and only after due process and trail by jury.

The fourth, and this is where the shit starts to get good, is to make a “searching” and “fearless” moral inventory. First of all, an inventory that’s moral? Isn’t that an oxymoron? You know people always fudge the numbers when they do that kinda shit. I mean I know every time my liquor store has a few bottles of Grey Goose missing when they do inventory. Yet, Sanji hasn’t said a word to me about it. And they have cameras. It’s just not worth the effort.

The fifth you have to admit to said god and a fellow groupie all your wrongs. I’m guessing this would be what you recorded from said inventory. Which we have already learned no one wants to put forth the effort to ensure that is done correctly. See above about my pal Sanji.

The sixth says you have to be ready to let god, as you see god to be, to remove your defects of character. First of all if there really was this so called god, and she was really willing to take the time away from her schedule that’s booked for months in advance to remove your little character defects individually. Defects, mind you, she gave you since she is the creator (right?) - then I certainly wouldn’t have near as many failed relationships that’s the god damn truth!

And of course in the seventh this powerful, generous, mind-changing god (what a woman!) removes your shortcomings. Talk about a major score and all because steps six and seven say so!

Steps eight and nine are my favorite. This is where whatever the person is stepping their way out of, well basically it all goes to shit. These steps are all about making lists of all people you’ve wronged and making amends to them. Now seriously, when’s the last time your buddy whose in AA apologized to you for that time you picked his blacked out carcass off the couch he just peed and rolled him on his side so he wouldn’t choke on his own vomit? Or your friend saying, “you remember i used to steal all your shit to pawn for smack…my bad”? Bare in mind we already know most of these ‘friends’ are total liars and it doesn’t matter what they say. You wouldn’t believe them anyway, right?

In step ten you continue to do all of the above – admitting when your wrong and making amends. Now this is totally bullshit and I’m saying it. We all know at least a few people “working the steps”. And you KNOW every single one of the sons of bitches is the most selfish person in the world. They are never wrong and could give two shits whatever logical, sane reason you might have to debate them. They’re way too busy thinking about themselves. Just like children and Paris Hilton.

Step eleven totally discredits the earlier steps as it says through prayer and meditation (not medication as originally I had read) you are to constantly strengthen your relationship with god and referring to said god as Him. First of all, we already established earlier that god is a woman. Second, in step eleven (I know – enough with the numbers already) it says god AS YOU UNDERSTAND TO BE. They tell you to understand god as you see fit, and then later say god is a dude. What if someone understood god to be a transsexual or a beautiful phoenix (a mystical fictional creature – google it)? You can see where people start to loose their faith can’t you?

The twelfth step is the one I know all people in these programs are hooked on. Ironic as I thought you were supposed to “work the steps” in order. As we’ve already established going in order people would have jumped ship long ago. However this step may be informative for some. It talks about spreading the message of the steps to other people with said affliction (formerly referenced as blank; see above). That’s why everyone in a fucking program talks about nothing but the program, how much everyone would benefit from going to the meetings. They’ve got every reason in the world, every excuse in the book to try to peer pressure you to going just once – swearing it will change your life forever. Seriously if sitting around listening to a bunch of strangers “share” (gripe!) their experience for an hour is going to do anything for me, whatever that is count me out. You can find me in the valley trying to score weed.

Perhaps the ultimate horror is saved till the end of the whole process. At the end of each meeting the cigarette smoke and coffee aroma filled room all hold hands and say some sort of cultish mantra. Seriously, if you want to hold hands and chant so bad – join a monastery for god sakes!

wise random words

there is no path, the path is made by walking it

best moment last sunday

I READ TAMMY'S BLOG
WAY BACK WHEN
BEFFORE THEN
A FIREND OF A FRIEND

I WANT THIS
FOR ME
THE LOVE
THE INSPIRATION
THE FOREVER

NOT FROM ME
BUT TAMMY

on the way to the red carpet, we traipsed through an underground tunnel-type-thingie. the irony of "backstage underground tunnels" always makes me laugh: me in my millions of bling, honey in her dashing ensemble, waltzing through puddles of watery cola, and crunching through the dropped and forgotten pretzel pieces. i remember looking at honey, surprised at how flattering the navy color looked on her. i have never been a fan of navy, and just because it is "in" doesn't me me appreciate it any more than i already do(n't). but there, in an old-cabbage-stinky tunnel between hollywood way and some other street, i realized that indeed, honey looks very good in navy. and on we walked. i was trying not to trip over my hemline that was 6 inches too long in front. (mental note: don't listen to the lovely people who advise that the longer hemline is more flattering... I'M the one who trips up in my own train the entire night. terribly awkward.)

at one point in the flourescently lit tunnel, i caught the distinct smell of a greasy kitchen. that sort of "cheap-dish-washing-soap-and-french-fries-and-old-tequila" scent that only comes complete with white tops and black and white checkered pants. i wore that outfit when i worked in the purdue cafeteria summer of '93. you do what you gotta do to get out of dodge, right? so that smell, that sort of wet, tornado-celler-y smell... it wafted right by me and as old visions of purdue passed on by, the memories from the eagles club smacked me upside the head. clear flashbacks of the eagles' kitchen came thundering back to me like those southwestern storms that swallow you without warning.

the eagles. a lodge of sorts. very good-ol-boy driven, as it was explained to me. mom cocktailed there on tuesday, friday, saturday nights, and wednesdays and thursdays if they needed her. the moments in the tunnel reminded me of that kitchen where the rough-faced men with friendly smiles let me wander. if i was lucky, a kindly dishwasher might let me have the last measly piece of four-day-old apple pie that would otherwise meet the trash bin later in the evening. as i tripped over my hemline once more, i wondered if i'd ever get away from being a waitress' daughter. not that being a waitress' daughter is bad: i just thought that there might come a point where the reality of that seems further away than a sneeze. but truth be told... no matter how red the carpet is, no matter how big the check is, no matter who is across the table from me, it seems that there are parts of my life that just don't fade. nothing changes on the red carpet. if you got beat up in fourth grade, that doesn't go away once you hit the fame punching bag. no amount of makeup or diamonds chases the truth into some other experience.

at the end of the tunnel, steven stopped us and said, "It's just on the other side here." the tunnel fell silent without our scuffling and mumbling. i put on my heels, gave my slippers to some lady who was also carrying my breast pump, and looked at honey. there are so many times in life where we have no words to say to one another. where there are no words that can convey our feelings any clearer than a deep look into the others' eyes. and so we fueled up in our gazes, and passed a smile back and forth. wall or no wall, door or no door, the anticipation was a deafening roar in my ears. i heard the drip of water somewhere, and it still smelled like the eagles again. and right then i wondered if at the end of the night, would i feel any different than that moment right then?

i watched honey nod at steven, he nodded to us, we nodded back, we all stood around nodding and then the door got a little stuck. it was very heavy. no dramatic entrance. i think i even stumbled over my hemline again. already my feet were reminding me that i was born to wear slippers.

the carpet really was red, and this carpet was the width of a boulevard in hollywood. and up and down this red carpet were cameras. cameras of all kinds. at the other end of the carpet was the theatre we needed to get inside. the goal was to hit as many cameras and microphones as possible. well... honey's goal was to speak and smile for as many people as possible, my goal was to not get misplaced. only my hemline was too long. and as people constantly stepped on it, i had to spend my time facing backwards, one hand on the back of my dress, saying politely to strangers, "I'm sorry... You're on my dress." ten minutes on the carpet, and my feet were already cursing. and we still hadn't stepped in front of the cameras yet.

i can not deal with
all the latest
in the busco
war of terror

people r treated
as objects
casualties
it kills me
inside

how can a person
living
breathing
being
be reduced
to
nothing

the world desperately needs moral leadership from america
and the foundation of moral leadership is telling the truth
john edwards

anyone else feel like
here we go again
still bling
still silent
louder than b4
maybe
but
silence

anna nicole smith
laid to rest today
finally
she was sensational
what a life
finally complete
i hope she b
ahh after life...
anna nicole
ANS = 1 person
gone forever

the count of PEOPLE
gone forever
in this war
of patriatism
sensational each of them
in their courage
bravery
unconditional comitment
i can't even begin
2 fathom
being in their shoes
peace ya'll