is exactly what i said
to a girlfriend tonight
who came over to work out
it's so good 2 c old friends
watching obama on mtv
from last night
gay, lesbian & transexual individuals
i love utube - him not so much
i'm seriously becoming a ron paul fan
as he will run us out of the middle east
faster than said individuals will get equality
cuz none of these ()@#(*&@#$ democrats get it right
can not 1 of them hire writers
or just 1 person versed in lbgt lingo
what the fuck?
this has become an issue important to me
as i am an lbgtbiq (rstf?!) individual
none was so apparent to me than recently
trips home r always hard 4 me
no matter how i crack it
i did what most would consider mundane
a friend of my best friend spent the night
plain & simple to a point really
both my mother & brothers house
two different nights - two different reactions
neither one positive
in any lite
it's as if trying 2 be safe
after a night of drinking
chumps the possibility of gayness
in my family
it's not that i have a problem with who u r
the email follow up from my father said
after i'd been kicked to the curb
soon after discovering a massive used pot stash
in older bro's house - not sleeping alone - in a living room
why he does not understand, for the life of me i cannot
exactly what makes that statement in & of itself
a problem - a huge cause of pain & disappointment 4 me
to the extent of which to raw 2 be spoken
have i nice life & a middle finger
was my retort - being chased out
at 8am by a long haired man in long jons & shorts
that i no longer recognized
it's funny how life works - just when we want to pedal backwards
is at the exact moment we must pull..
October 30, 2007
October 23, 2007
the night before
as i pack my bags for another trip down south
i sit awake with trepidation & anticipation
these things can go one way or the other
with the blink of an eye
i've almost canceled this trip 2 many times
thinking myself too vulnerable for the task
i have a rule now - i don't visit the family
unless i'm in the best head space i can be
as the ones we grew up with seem to
innately adapt to fuck it all up
with little knowledge or awareness
as to their doing so in the first place
god knows i'm the master at the game
the game i try so desperately not to play
when i'm visiting the fam
i want that time to be special
i need that time 4 me
the latter part of my day was spent with a new friend
new yet oh so familiar to me it was stinging
as we went along our journeys i listened, and watch
trying to be an outsider, peering in
as he manipulated & connived
deceived & mind fucked
difficult to experience
hard to take in
but i have a deep respect for him
not in ideal head space currently
this i see, same as his enchanting green eyes
we all do pretty uncharacteristic, trite acts
during the dark times, all is foggy & clouded
somehow i found a way to maintain my boundaries
speak to him my truth while not crapping on his
we had a great evening in spite of uneasiness
this shit would have sent me in a tailspin
i have grown this i know
foreshadowing, perhaps
but at least i feel fully prepared
for the journey ahead
peace
i sit awake with trepidation & anticipation
these things can go one way or the other
with the blink of an eye
i've almost canceled this trip 2 many times
thinking myself too vulnerable for the task
i have a rule now - i don't visit the family
unless i'm in the best head space i can be
as the ones we grew up with seem to
innately adapt to fuck it all up
with little knowledge or awareness
as to their doing so in the first place
god knows i'm the master at the game
the game i try so desperately not to play
when i'm visiting the fam
i want that time to be special
i need that time 4 me
the latter part of my day was spent with a new friend
new yet oh so familiar to me it was stinging
as we went along our journeys i listened, and watch
trying to be an outsider, peering in
as he manipulated & connived
deceived & mind fucked
difficult to experience
hard to take in
but i have a deep respect for him
not in ideal head space currently
this i see, same as his enchanting green eyes
we all do pretty uncharacteristic, trite acts
during the dark times, all is foggy & clouded
somehow i found a way to maintain my boundaries
speak to him my truth while not crapping on his
we had a great evening in spite of uneasiness
this shit would have sent me in a tailspin
i have grown this i know
foreshadowing, perhaps
but at least i feel fully prepared
for the journey ahead
peace
October 19, 2007
words 2 live by
how much do u love this bitch?
i want to have lunch with her
and francine dancer
utube celebrities
i must meet
the future is bright
so bright it burns
again i see
a light
in my horizon
life is really noisy right now
and i'm busy living it
writing all the same
just not ready
2 share with the world
PEACE IS IN OUR FUTURE
October 11, 2007
flying anxiety sucks
orginal title when i started this
almost 3 hours ago...b4 this
4 my two favorite gays
it's 12 hours until i leave
but i miss u both already
u & i have a strange bond
we fight & bitch like brothers
but like brothers it soon fades
and we are in love again
i don't ever really 'remember'
what the brat sessions were about
going to san fran as you know
tell ur folks 2 come party in my hotel
like 4 reals -- it'll be hot
;)
today i answer the phone to hear
from a dear good friend of mine
who i now realize i know little about
hysterical is she - they took his leg
those mother fucking bastards took his leg
i hear from my proud sister friend
an hour later i'm at her house
dawn the white horse
it's the story of my life
over lunch dinner shopping & champagne
i learn so much
about my proud outspoken gal pal
btw, just for the record i feel like saying
by fucking bastards she meant bush, cheney, etc.
i said she's my sister friend
we get each other 2 much
over the next 3 months i'm traveling all over
a lot...more than i have in an entire year b4
little trips here & there - work related a lot
then i'm doing some myself 4 me
things are happening
a phase is ending
and another beginning
i know this feeling
all 2 raw 4 me
cuz the unknown is the scariest of all realities....
almost 3 hours ago...b4 this
4 my two favorite gays
it's 12 hours until i leave
but i miss u both already
u & i have a strange bond
we fight & bitch like brothers
but like brothers it soon fades
and we are in love again
i don't ever really 'remember'
what the brat sessions were about
going to san fran as you know
tell ur folks 2 come party in my hotel
like 4 reals -- it'll be hot
;)
today i answer the phone to hear
from a dear good friend of mine
who i now realize i know little about
hysterical is she - they took his leg
those mother fucking bastards took his leg
i hear from my proud sister friend
an hour later i'm at her house
dawn the white horse
it's the story of my life
over lunch dinner shopping & champagne
i learn so much
about my proud outspoken gal pal
btw, just for the record i feel like saying
by fucking bastards she meant bush, cheney, etc.
i said she's my sister friend
we get each other 2 much
over the next 3 months i'm traveling all over
a lot...more than i have in an entire year b4
little trips here & there - work related a lot
then i'm doing some myself 4 me
things are happening
a phase is ending
and another beginning
i know this feeling
all 2 raw 4 me
cuz the unknown is the scariest of all realities....
October 9, 2007
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