big year in 2008

tomorrow - everything is tomorrow
on prison break - my xmas 07 show
each year i get a show on dvd
over the holidays i watch it all
from start to finish
everything is tomorrow
on that show

tomorrow
it looks like
that is the case
a new look for
me @ scottiscool.net

i did it myself
lil help from my friends
developing what i wanted
became a nuisance
as everything i needed
could be done thru iweb

i watched two weeks last night
3 times in a row till past 6am
after a difficult night
of facing what's
been right in front of my face
this whole time

i knew watching it I would emote
which was a necessity
not in a bad way
just as the facts
i had to face

happy new year, new beginnings to u all
i hope u will surround urself with what u love
i will be doing more of the same
with those i feel strongest affinity for
and my new mel - what is it with me & names

change is hard
as is being away
from those u love most
but we all must choice
i move forward - what about u

here's to so much more in '08
bigger & brighter
thats what i feel

harvey whitney is over
and i am bored
of course

found jklproductions on utube
hillarious - i love these kids
but can't figure out their myspace
or myspace in general

pug & i are going to the pool
to chill....

freedom via fashion thru fitness

so now that the holidays are here
i'm becoming engrossed in blog world
as i'm trying to look forward
think ahead
2008, baby!

so i happen upon SUSANPOWDERONLINE.COM
long story as to how
it's the why that matters

so when i was like 7 or 8 or 16
my mom was obsessed with this trainer
i don't know if she did it solo
or with her ladies who lunch
stitch 'n bitch

anyway this lady lost over 100lbs
and opened a gym in dallas or plano
for some reason plano & mama
r always connected
to me

so one day i can't remember
she either took me to bootcamp
or i was watching or i don't know
but i met / experienced susan
my kid brain couldn't deal
i thought she was the anti-christ

still to this day my fealings of loathing
for her at that time r engraved
i wonder if it was her over the topness
or her doing goodness
but little fat, lost boy me
wanted out

so here i am
researching blogs
we r growing
at a snails pace
but its' gona be awesome

end up on susan's new site
& i am addicted
it's so the feel of what
i want 4 scottiscool.net
her being her, in her element
rocks my socks off

although 4 me more fashion & freedom
with a little fitness & pink hair
mixed in to spruce things up

step into my world baby
u don't like it
click off

check it...

spirits up

havoc & nanny diaries
2 very different films
both excellent
in everyway

its funny how a movie or 2
and a good cd
songs of mass destruction
annie - google it
can change everything

life is good
reality is harsh
but if we don't climb
da moguls
life is just a breeze..

peace peeps!!!!!!

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Peace

write now

writing comedy is hard
all u have to do is
take what you know
your observations
your truth

then u spin or whatever
to make it universally understood
time and time again
advice i've received
from those i see
as seasoned pros

it's easier when your unknown - less access to ur truth
bullshit

because all i know right now is not funny
loneliness
isolation
depression
lack of drive
..motivation
..direction

despair dare i say
is what is known
2 me
right now

long awaited check arrived
last week - a hold
banks make no sense to me
almost 3k - a lot of dough
in my world

paycheck for some random whatever
long past due - it'll clear in 7 days
i thought as i left the bank
angry i did not receive a cashiers check
per my request

it's the holiday season - i'm not working
so i spent...like it would be there
funds on the way - no need to worry
yesterday the check cleared
2day my bank just called
it bounced

and i'm in the hold a whopping 200 bucks
happy merry fucking christmas to me
a big fat negative red says boa.com
although my savings account oddly has
$14.27

taking money out of my 'portfolio'
pathetic to even call it that
would cost me more than i'd gain
when this mess gets sorted out
at the start of the new year

so here i sit - trying to find my truth
thinking to myself thank god
groceries, dry cleaning, & pharmacy
were all on my to do yesterday

wishing i hadn't gone out for a drink
with friends last night
as i wasn't feeling it
and now that $20 cash
makes my money drawer
emptier

i think i got something...

without fail, same time every year

so it is upon us again
the season of holly
joy to the motherfucking
world

ok a little bitter & vain
perhaps but stress
is on the rise
here

school is over for me-
distance in the rear view mirror
last paper i will ever write -
complete

my phone rings...
someone from the past...
i pass

so school - finito
my parents seem nill of joy
as am i
lesson folks...
do what u want
not what others
want 4 u

the holiday season approaches
i know this so much as my gift idea
keeps me up at nights
enjoy ur gifts people
it ain't happening again



the first unexpected box arrived today
should I wait or not
of course i did not
and thank fully so

as a generous box set
was coldly presented
inside
hours upon hours
of entertainment
4 me this year

i've gone arry...

may or may not be

just off the plane
from the trip
talked into going out
DO NOT threaten me
with a good time
damn u

friends in town,
any excuse
really

a holiday dedicated 2 me
coming up - working out
breathing, living, loving
see how long i last

also check joey being a jerk!!
on utube or myspace
i need a better system
& a cold beer...

if only

dexter

so tonight I'm home
catching up
on life
on dexter

ep 10 now - so f'in good
destraction nessisary
as we approach
the 7th inning

next week I've said
till I'm blue in the face
we don't always see I 2 I
$ & I

excuse my beauty
is happening
either way
We..no I decide 2 go
It's on! Bring it!

totally cool

utube + flip = awesome

the player is back
bug attacks
new blog is on slight hold
as beauty takes preference
right now
peace
....

really?

in less than 23 hours - i will be home
this trip i thought would never end
almost over...life beckons

my dad emailed me ?s re: plans next yr
job? if no move back to texas?
my response was simple:
what is it with this family & jobs?

low key evening at home - catching up
stumbled upon this video
trying to find kucinich calling 2 impeach
which i am still searching for..

Mom102tm
Uploaded by luvnews

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

blogging today from the balcony
of the 'presidential' suite
at the belmont in 'lovely' oak cliff
a suburb south of dallas
i have learned

kanye blasts on the ipod dock
he is all good in my book
artist thru & thru
so sad to loose ur mom
i can only imagine
peace 2 u

backwards a few steps
arrived here yesterday
after spending 3 days
driving from hollywood
a friend of who i am so fond
needed a co-pilot
on her trek home

it's funny how in stressful situations
we all act & react in different ways
all of which are typically extreme
i sure as hell know mine are
what don't i do 2 the extreme

mama is out of town this weekend
and doesn't want me 2 stay
with this & the trip stress
i figured - inexpensive, cool hotel
google i love

arrived late to learn they had overbooked
& i had been upgraded to this room
give & ye shall receive
they say
and i try to believe
total WOW moment
4 me

so here i am while friends r working
others ignoring my communication
a practice in which i am familiar
but now more conscious of the feeling
2 b on the other end

and me...i'm having the time of my life
just took a soak in my private hot tub
with a stunning view that feels unworthy
2 me - swamp kid - u get it

in this situation a few years back
me being here would bring up
such a different side
all darkness - which i'm learning
is no good

being here i count my blessings
feel destined to exist & succeed
my door is open
light is poring in

Top 10 reasons why trick or treating is better than sex

10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.

6. It's ok when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.

5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.

4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.

3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. Less guilt the morning after.

1. You can do the whole neighborhood!

pedal backwards & pull

is exactly what i said
to a girlfriend tonight
who came over to work out
it's so good 2 c old friends

watching obama on mtv
from last night
gay, lesbian & transexual individuals
i love utube - him not so much

i'm seriously becoming a ron paul fan
as he will run us out of the middle east
faster than said individuals will get equality
cuz none of these ()@#(*&@#$ democrats get it right
can not 1 of them hire writers
or just 1 person versed in lbgt lingo
what the fuck?

this has become an issue important to me
as i am an lbgtbiq (rstf?!) individual
none was so apparent to me than recently
trips home r always hard 4 me
no matter how i crack it

i did what most would consider mundane
a friend of my best friend spent the night
plain & simple to a point really
both my mother & brothers house
two different nights - two different reactions
neither one positive
in any lite

it's as if trying 2 be safe
after a night of drinking
chumps the possibility of gayness
in my family

it's not that i have a problem with who u r
the email follow up from my father said
after i'd been kicked to the curb
soon after discovering a massive used pot stash
in older bro's house - not sleeping alone - in a living room

why he does not understand, for the life of me i cannot
exactly what makes that statement in & of itself
a problem - a huge cause of pain & disappointment 4 me
to the extent of which to raw 2 be spoken

have i nice life & a middle finger
was my retort - being chased out
at 8am by a long haired man in long jons & shorts
that i no longer recognized

it's funny how life works - just when we want to pedal backwards
is at the exact moment we must pull..

the night before

as i pack my bags for another trip down south
i sit awake with trepidation & anticipation
these things can go one way or the other
with the blink of an eye

i've almost canceled this trip 2 many times
thinking myself too vulnerable for the task
i have a rule now - i don't visit the family
unless i'm in the best head space i can be

as the ones we grew up with seem to
innately adapt to fuck it all up
with little knowledge or awareness
as to their doing so in the first place

god knows i'm the master at the game
the game i try so desperately not to play
when i'm visiting the fam
i want that time to be special
i need that time 4 me

the latter part of my day was spent with a new friend
new yet oh so familiar to me it was stinging
as we went along our journeys i listened, and watch
trying to be an outsider, peering in

as he manipulated & connived
deceived & mind fucked
difficult to experience
hard to take in

but i have a deep respect for him
not in ideal head space currently
this i see, same as his enchanting green eyes
we all do pretty uncharacteristic, trite acts
during the dark times, all is foggy & clouded

somehow i found a way to maintain my boundaries
speak to him my truth while not crapping on his
we had a great evening in spite of uneasiness
this shit would have sent me in a tailspin
i have grown this i know

foreshadowing, perhaps
but at least i feel fully prepared
for the journey ahead

peace

words 2 live by

how much do u love this bitch?
i want to have lunch with her
and francine dancer
utube celebrities
i must meet

the future is bright
so bright it burns
again i see
a light
in my horizon

life is really noisy right now
and i'm busy living it
writing all the same
just not ready
2 share with the world

PEACE IS IN OUR FUTURE

flying anxiety sucks

orginal title when i started this
almost 3 hours ago...b4 this

4 my two favorite gays

it's 12 hours until i leave
but i miss u both already
u & i have a strange bond
we fight & bitch like brothers
but like brothers it soon fades
and we are in love again
i don't ever really 'remember'
what the brat sessions were about
going to san fran as you know
tell ur folks 2 come party in my hotel
like 4 reals -- it'll be hot
;)

today i answer the phone to hear
from a dear good friend of mine
who i now realize i know little about
hysterical is she - they took his leg
those mother fucking bastards took his leg
i hear from my proud sister friend

an hour later i'm at her house
dawn the white horse
it's the story of my life
over lunch dinner shopping & champagne
i learn so much
about my proud outspoken gal pal

btw, just for the record i feel like saying
by fucking bastards she meant bush, cheney, etc.
i said she's my sister friend
we get each other 2 much

over the next 3 months i'm traveling all over
a lot...more than i have in an entire year b4
little trips here & there - work related a lot
then i'm doing some myself 4 me

things are happening
a phase is ending
and another beginning
i know this feeling
all 2 raw 4 me

cuz the unknown is the scariest of all realities....

worth a minute of ur time

been trying to do this for hours - hope this works.
sara - u r amazing

i love katie couric

Everyone in this room would agree that people in this country were misled in terms of the rationale of this war. I’ve never understood why [invading Iraq] was so high on the administration’s agenda when terrorism was going on in Afghanistan and Pakistan and that [Iraq] had no true connection with al Qaeda.

WHOA! the press is finally taking a stand
a weak one at that, tues at a press dinner
but all the same SPEAK UP
wake up AMERICA
the time is now
we r the change
whatever that means

sometime the shit is good

horoscopes control my action
i do not always buy in 2 it
still live by over a dozen
some i check daily - like my biorhythm
via my cell phone...letting it go

some i r out of the way..ugg work..
like this one...
have 2 view my profile 2 c it, y?
facebook starting 2 annoying me:

A close relationship is likely to be riding an emotional whirlwind now. Today is best utilized for working towards a goal rather than creating or finishing one. Do not start anything new until you have completed your current projects. Letting go of your own agenda may give you the freedom you seek.

over & out
blind date
god speed

i heart beef brocoli

i've been up for over three hours
watching fast food nation
no wait...kid nation
i think - it's cbs

a new reality 4 reality tv
they take children, babies
to a deserted pioneer town
in new mexico or some shit
to fend for themselves

but don't worry children
the producers got u
took care of all the drama
before the bus left the station
i just feel sad watching it
yet am half-way thru

i just failed the security screening
to call into my bank
irregular activity
my accounts r frozen
i wanted 2 yell at the lady
i was 12 when i opened this account
i don't remember the bullshit answers
i probably made up

whales in africa, emb, shits blowing up
but i can't get thru 2 a gd bank
and say yes i know i drained my accounts
the money is back - let me spend it
i've relied on bank.com 4 too long
which let me tell u
ain't that reliable

the more i smoke, convinced it'll aid in a nap
more and more awake i become
why do we keep doing things
cuz we've convinced r selves
it's the 'right' do-able action
like the kid show, which im still watching

i think some beef broccoli left overs
will help my early morning nap
as i am far too tired
2 pick up a bite

pop life

working again is odd
on sets, writing
it comes and it goes
ebs & flows

thats a song
joni mitchell i think
she sings real life
only melodic always
she is

i have been up since 645
the fire has been re-lit
britney went out last night
i am obsessed with watching
that hot mess

chris crocker is funny
my friend is obsessed
so i watch in her shadow
and think there's a deep sadness
to being so entertained

oj is back in court
it makes me want tv again
it's 1993 all over again

i think i need a nap

its 4 life

tonight i overextended myself
again...this i now know
i will do - in spite of all
its my mama or mamaw
but i will always
watch out for 'u'
its 4 life

a friend, sleeping beauty, ellen 4 sure
traveled over 1400 miles 2 move out...
just moved here & is overwhelmed
so i am doing 4 him
what i wished 1 had done 4 me
6 years ago
this is a very overwhelming city

i did not want 2 go out 2night
tired, dvd & delivery - a cocktail maybe
that was my idea of a good time
4 tonight

ellen didn't feel the same
so i overextended
doing 4 him
what i needed
when i was
in their spot

we went out, a friend's friend party
over 20 miles away...all freeways fyi
if u know this crazy place, thats huge
made a deal with my best bud
i am tired, i drive there u back
deal or no deal? deal he says

tired but out 2 b doing great
i maintained & had a blast
new friends meeting old...awesome
it's crazy knowing 2 unique soles so well
but them not knowing NEthing bout each other
the interaction is MAJOR

en route 2 the party old & new went in 2 store
me & papi waiting doing music & directions
new says about old scott u have no idea
i said, trust me i get it
cuz i know everything about old
crazy & unique is he...y i love

hours later - me maintaining
sober really in comparison
every1 having a good time
i am meeting 2 many characters
then a friend passes out
on the front lawn
4 reals

emergency mode i go
i will drive her
put her in bed
who wants in

old & a new say yes, new says no
i help old bud 2 my car
new stays to get new passed out
in the front lawn...yes i know
we pull up, off the lawn she comes
he disapears....i wait

something about him & i
there is some connection
when i feel...i act
i do not think

wait 4ever with 2 blasted friends
4 him thinking he will return
in spite of their chastising
eventually leave 2 drop off
get lost...no one is awake
long trip, woke roomie up..
took dog out, put 2 bed
caretaker much? that is me

eventually wait 2 long & decide
i must take care of me 4 once
and go home...back 2 the loft
mojo needs my help too...i recall

so here i am, hours later
fast food ordered and eaten
all by the sleepy beauty passed out
on my couch - bowie is blasting
i love my life
everyday is new

britney ironic video coming
better than the last
i'm obsessed

and i promise a new, much improved site
is on the way...cuz i am so into it
found out tonight what is up...
i am here & so u r...lurking they say
it's all good - someone is listening
so i will talk

peace 2 ur mother

just another tuesday

kellyann on the real world
i can so relate
whatever yung or frued said
the things about others
that make us furious
are things about us
we cannot confront

bad quote...i know
but it's so true
kel tonight
i cannot commit
to anything

i cannot commit to a tatoo
i cannot commit to a career
i cannot commit to a fucking paper
due yesterday, fyi

if u get happy serious
u get sad serious
oh my god
that shit hit my core

life moves on
as do the tides
my horoscope says
everything should be
a ok

but i am here
in turmoil
as is
the story of my life

britney oh my
love 2 u & urs
my friend
i know i've said mean things
in the past 2 u
but i love u
u will get thru ur shit
as will i

whatever i am going thru right now
is exactly what i need to grow
i keep reminding myself this
daily

come play with me

i made a vow 2 me
write everyday
i will start on the site
as my comedy notebook
and mac journal
are tireless lately

comments are on
people are out there
who r u
come play!

big big news
i can't yet say
march 2008
u r gona want 2
come 2 LA
check it!

peace

anthony got kicked off

fat march, have you seen that show?
the title is true
yes he weighs more 0's than i did
at my fighting weight

but i decided to take a stand
and make a change
10 years before
he did

i root for Anthony
caddy, immature,
and at times a bitch
but Anthony
i am with u

blogger corrects the spelling of his name
i need a new service
any ideas?
comments r back on
please leave 'em
i had 247 views
this week

back to fat camp
when did abc become the gay channel
and then chastise & hang rosie o?
abc family too...i watch some
kyle xy & greek
both

i just logged in to put up a new button
days later blog forgot
COMMENTS ARE ON
WHO IS OUT THERE?
say hi

september 15th 2007 - be proactive
stand up and so NO!!!!
fuck that scream it

the helacious damage our government has done
as most sat by, and did not report
has gone on far too long
my friends

a good friend just moved here
the rest of the austin trififeca
is in my life again...
i am more centered than i have ever been

i could have been anthony

fat march, have you seen that show?
the title is true
yes he weighs more 0's than i did
at my fighting weight

but i decided to take a stand
and make a change
10 years before
he did

i root for Anthony
caddy, immature,
and at times a bitch
but Anthony
i am with u

blogger corrects the spelling of his name
i need a new service
any ideas?
comments r back on
please leave 'em
i had 247 views
this week

back to fat camp
when did abc become the gay channel
and then chastise & hang rosie o?
abc family too...i watch some
kyle xy & greek
both

i just logged in to put up a new button
days later blog forgot
COMMENTS ARE ON
WHO IS OUT THERE?
say hi

september 15th 2007 - be proactive
stand up and so NO!!!!
fuck that scream it

the helacious damage our government has done
as most sat by, and did not report
has gone on far too long
my friends

a good friend just moved here
the rest of the austin trififeca
is in my life again...
i am more centered than i have ever been

fuck period

thats how it all starts
with a word
and a period
5 7 5
u get it

i'm screening shit
it's voting season
the beginning
of the end

psych is in
he calls from the kitchen
i dream
it's not my life

today i winged it
as per the norm
& yet again
score

the laptop is back
yet i am not
its funny how we say
when this
then i

the key is missing
to my garage
an old buddy
lost it
i can forgive
yet can't let go

a holiday is upcoming
labor day
all moms
who gave birth
need a day
i say

i need a vacation
STAT
but for now
sleep
will
have 2 do

love & light
2 u all

another fyi...

kellbell & jelly
are passed out
on my floor
right now

there's a big bed
couch, blow up mattress
both choose - floor
it's all a part of life

fyi..

AP: "a recent ap/ipsos poll found 78% of liberals and moderates had read at least one
book in the last year, whereas only 64% of conservatives had read
at least one book in the last year."

wise words from george

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get to o angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much , and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people....Who cares?

George Carlin

FINALLY HAVE THE COMPUTER BACK FROM THE SHOP
SEEMS TO BE UP & WORKING FINALLY
AFTER MANY A TRIP, AND OVER A MONTH
UGGGGGGGGG

CATCHING UP ON EMAILS - THIS DIDN'T TRANSLATE ON MY PHONE
BRAVO GEORGE!
SO I SHARE HERE....U ARE MY 8

A GOOD FRIEND IS IN TOWN
LIFE IS FUNNY HOW IT WORKS
THE EBB & THE FLOW
JONI MITCHELL SAYS

MURDOCH BOUGHT MYSPACE
I'M OUT OF THE LOOP
BUT MYSPACE IS NO LONGER
MYSPACE



PEACE YA'LL!

good times

last night
a new friend
invited me 2 share
in a once in a lifetime
event

a beautiful cermony
jenn beautiful in vera wang
pete all smiles
cheek 2 cheek

the guests could not have been more fun
as the music, booze, and dancing went on
I could not contain myself
I get so overwhelmed at weddings

her mother walked her down the isle
a moment of silence for her dad
watching, no doubt proud as hell
from off somewhere far
I felt his prescence
and the tears flowed on

ran into an old friend
at this wedding
in the middle of nowhere
made me realize
friendships r forever
loosing touch out of laziness
or fear
no longer an option

I hope they don't run out of food for me
my little adorable friend said
as we waited for r table to be called
grub time

2 pieces of cake
drenched in sweat
oh how I love 2 dance
just like my mamaw
I can't wait to plan
my very own
special day

Nothing happens by chance,
My friends!

Peace ya'll

blog from the cell

Sorry the auto correct
Will make this be a weird
Edited
Blog
But I've got shit 2 say

Tonight I took something
2 someone I love & owed
4 ever

Met her great cousin
In from the east coast
Beatiful real woman
Like her cuz...women rock!

We went 2 dinner
A local spot I hate
But tonight
It was great
First impressions mean nothing
2 me...I now realize

Met up with my bff kel
And her friends
Bfftf mel is u
Ask me about it

Papi is doing great
Always
Ash is my ex fiance
A night of good times

Curl girls
Crazy lezzies
Pot & free booze
Shanangans as
She knows

G'nite ya'll

victoria beckham

oh its exhausting being fabulous
her words, but seriously...
the moto of my life

advise to live by

thursday nights have been a staple
in my life since late last year
tonight i wasn't feeling it
and didn't go out
i thought i'd get some extra sleep

here i am awake
all night i said i need to blog
the laptop's still in the shop
but my dear friend melissa
has leant me hers
i'm such a spazz
i still have it
days later

so for lack of creativity
i'm passing this one
from my new frend
thank u viv

sorry for the weird breaks
i can't blog on this computer
like i can mine
ahh life

********************
ADVISE TO LIVE BY (my title - don't know what it was...)

ONE.
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO.
Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE.
Don't believe all you hear,
Don't spend all you have and Don't sleep all you want.

FOUR.
When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE.
When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX.
Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN.
Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT.
Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE.
Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.
In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN.
Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE.
Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN.
When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN.
Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN.
Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN.
Remember the 3 R's:
*Respect for self;
*Respect for others; and
*Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN.
Don't let a little dispute injure a
great friendship.

NINETEEN.
When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY.
Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your
voice.

TWENTY-ONE.
Spend some time alone.

**********************
wow that was a 10000th generation email
i just spent 5 minutes editing
the spaces and returns
forwards normally suck
however, this one
words to live by
except the engagment shit
marriage is for the birds
:P

that last one i do a lot of
and have always done
people don't understand
time with yourself
is precious
at least 2 me

peace my babies....

vegas baby!

Pretty persuasion
A great, real flic
As is the 1 who intro'd
It a great, real friend

Just a chilling reality,
To such a manipulative life.
We r not the recepients (sp?)
Of r own karma
Exactly when we want 2 b

Life is not as we want it 2 b
It happens as its supposed 2.
Deal or no deal.
This is the ?

2 da blog

That's what it says
When I send a cell
2 da blog

Just be happy
Is what I said
My advise
Tonight

We make r selves happy
So true...
So hard
2 understand

Everything is as it is supposed to be.
A wise 'stranger' buddy of mine says.
Its not about finishing the challenge,
Its about noticing the lessons within.

So true
From me
2 u

CHECK IT: replate.org

the computers in the shop
from the cell direct to you
REPLATE.ORG
so very cool
check it
thank u jodi & peace to ya'll!!

balance

menthals, heroin, food
can all be taken 2 excess
life is about balance
the eb and the flow

the other night i connected
feelings & emotions misfire
actions taken to excess

cazwell blares over my stereo
next week i will c him live
no matter or who or who doesn't
go with me me - balance

put ur energy into what u want
ie explained tonight to a random new friend
as simply as i could
what can i get out of this
bad analogy, maybe
psychology to excess

i often wonder what
i would know
if my parents
and thiers
had a blog
and flickr
where does this go?

over share
to excess

peace
never 2 much
excess

FINALLY

loving keith...IMPEACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

zeeee moga

click here 2 take action
and click the impeach button
on my site

enjoy this video as your reward
seriously people
stand up
act out
act up
do SOMETHING

peace

wise words from roseanne

from roseanneworld.com: “IMPEACH THE PRESIDENT AND THE VICE PRESIDENT, THEY ARE TRAITORS TO AMERICA, AND SO ARE ALL OF THEIR SUPPORTERS. IMPEACH! ANYONE IN CONGRESS WHO REFUSES TO SAVE OUR UNION FROM THESE TRAITORS BY DOING NOTHING NEEDS TO BE RECALLED. SAVE OUR TROOPS!!! SAVE OUR SCHOOLS AND HOSPITALS AND JOBS. FEED OUR HUNGRY AND POOR! SAVE THE DROWNING PEOPLE IN NEW ORLEANS! ANYONE WHO MENTIONS PARIS HILTON ONE MORE TIME MUST DIE!” i could not agree more....

bed at 11 - up & can't sleep

Oranges & the process of enjoyment
Has always been paramount in my life
See ever since I can remember
That's what my mamaw
Always did for me

Its not like that was our relationship
We were extremely close
For some reason she
Being an old republican from louisana history stock

And i being an unidentified gay man
Searching for somewhere, somehow to fit in
she & I got both got it
Differant spheres, univserses
But the feelings, the emotions, the pathology
SAME SAME SAME

Last week I was on set
Working again, even for a brief moment
2 days was so much bliss
But serioulsy I've gotten way 2 much in my rut
Those 2 days killed me
And then the trip down south
A blog and pics coming soon I swear

So the point is I am working
And susan our craft services goddess
Serioulsy tip 1...make them ur cohorts
The one that feeds u - has all the power

So she offers me some high fralutant orange
Upon discovering there was no distowel
No kitchen towel, no fancy knife
I refused the offer

I must admit mamaw always had to have
a brown wooden handle on her nice knife
Used to cut through the hard exterior
Of the orange

Ill admit it I use black, white red knifes
As long as they are cut throat nice
They fit into my trips down memory lane
As long as I've got a dishtown too
Though orange cutting, tho cathardic
Just aint the same when u r doing it just 4 u

I often wonder what she's thinking
When she looks down on me
From whatever realm she's in
Blissfully happy, free from the worlds ills

I hope she's proud still
I may have taken to wearing lepord slippers 2 bed
But I still cut my oranges the same
And open doors for ladies all the time
Even when I get stuck there for 20 minutes
LA people are entitled yo!
I think its hillarious.

S-I-C-K-O
So I'm not a big movie plugger
But I saw a screening last week
Everyone needs to see it

I know the game works
Everyone with their own agenda
Strip that asside & see how great we r to our
A movie that makes u think...art
Michael moore genius!

goodbye

why is that word so hard
to utter from my lips
good bye
my love
my friend
my foe
goodbye

tonight i did it, ackwardly
saying goodbye to loved ones
i will see you when
tomorrow after a LONG day
i will see others
whom i love

my heart is always wide open
u let too much in
i've been told
by many a shrink
then i quit going
goodobye

hillary's new campain ad
it's all over the place
i love it
stereotypes, the norm
goodbye

i'm actually writing a show
i'm really going to do this
in front of people i know
people i love, i care what they think
dilitane
goodbye

notes on grad

aula graduation

i was 15 min late per usual
and paid $20 to valet
parking was free
at the theatre
the orpheum
downtown
magic

i quickly took my seat
in the balcony
where an antioch student
taking my ticketmaster ticket
asked me if i was sitting

when i questioned my seat
she restated it
statement this time
you are

all in all i would say the ceremony
as college graduations - been to 2
long, long, and unorganized properly
as is the antiochian way

the speakers is the real comedy gold
the above i will spin slightly
the speakers all had pearls
golden tickets of their own
untouched by me

opening speaker
antioch college
closed last week
bad press (what press)
yada yada yada

bridge program speaker
by far the star of them all
compared her nine month
experience as antiochian
to being chased down
and shot in the eye
by gang bangers

flint who i have com to appreciate
she as her intro said fights all societal roles
to the point for over a year it annoyed me
on a multitude of levels to the tenth degree
now i accept flint for who flint wants to be
just flint

just flint's analogy was antioch
was her girl crush
afraid to call
uncommitted
as she spoke
i saw it come to concept
fruition as comedy
ummm its flint

mae program speaker or teacher program
compared her antioch experience
no well 1st grad - then a MASTERS program
to harry potter - like a 5th grader
out of place & awwwwkward

to commencement speaker from cal state riverside
evidently domiguez hills staff had a bbq that day
told us in the first three seconds of her speech
supposed to move, motivate, & enspire

that upon sharing it with her 3 sons
they found it uninteresting and not impressive
so don't remember a thing she said
common' her songs have 2 be her hardest critics
and i just can not be bothered

then, as if it hadn't only been two hours that passed
the graduation procession began
like a bang, i had checked out
gone off to malta in my mind

people in robes walking across stage
FUCK my moment
i wanted 2 take pics
decision time

run downstairs and rush the front
in hopes to get a few good pics
of my lady friends walking antioch out
or stay and hoot from my nose bleed seats
as they paraded out to get their degree cover

i hope the choice was as obvious 2 u
as it was to me - pic of me an maria up!
and peace

i've gotten emails
re: profile pic
fuck off
i say

tomorrow
i get up
at 8 am
workout
then aula
at orpheum

my friends
will walk
maria
yumi
allison
jodi
love 4 all

aula still open
auoh (i think)
closed
wtf
i say

still haven't finished
my writing
due last week

my mind is elsewhere
life is a blur
deal or no deal

new projects on the horizon
i am writing
like a mad man

just not
what
i need
2 be
fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

vintage saved by the bell

with the craziness that is dustin diamond
on celebrity fit club which i watch
when i work out - more not than often
these days...but today i saw
sunday's episode

watch

pride

'do u know where the gays are'
i hear from behind
as i exit the chevron
tonight on my way home

i look back to see 2 kids
i say kids, because they were
barely 16 if that
i think, saying nothing

'santa monica boulevard?'
the other says, pitch raised
i ponder a moment
and point
south

this weekend i tried pride
2nd and 3rd attempts
a last for me
for a while

i'm proud as fuck
of who i am becoming
don't need a crowd
to validate that

saturday night
random inbreads
everywhere

was with a group
wanted to go home
little hope 4 me
i knew, so...
i just got wasted

sunday i woke up
tried again
the parade
first one
besides tranny pride
with glass

again i felt out of sorts
out of place, not my scene
this time i went home
much to the shagrin
of my gaggle of gays

we are all different but
being gay is like high school
this time around different
i proudly bow out
with a smile of satisfaction

the times they are a changing...

tonight

a memorial
one of us
i thought
when i learned
it wasnt
in our home
discount
it makes it easier
that way

out with the BF
beauty beyond words
if she could only c
for a minute
u r enuf
i tell her
in so many forms

met three really cool chicks
women - sorry lila
austin texas baby
3 weeks
can not wait
ghetto
i miss

mels is doing great
always she
but scored
gayer
than me

its quarters end
lots of papers due
i am feeling 2 much
2 do all this thinking
if only
everyone
understood

i <3 jimmy

i'm 'working' today...so lots of net time for me...check this out...hillarous




still trying to figure out how to post the nicaddict post i wrote last night...
maybe coming soon
until then...this site is GREAT..will genius...jimmy hillarious
ok back to 'work'
ps - im sick thank god i'm doing voiceovers

brief

i just spent 10 minutes looking for a 6 to copy and paste into my blogger password. the six key as well as enter no longer works on my laptop. the cost of repairs is outrageous. truly a testimate to why one should take better care of thier things. i am sick as a dog, don't know whats wrong. thought it was food poisening. but this has been 2 long. going to the doc in the am. watching the simple life, i got the first half on dvd. ummmmmmmmmmmmm is all i can say. lindsay lohan checked into rehab. must have been after i saw her monday afternoon eating in brentwood (i know who knew she eats). ok below the belt -- i wish her well in spite of it all. seriously, she needs parents. real parents. i can relate. on more levels than i care to get into tonight. while i simple lifed it; i went mad on photobooth in the loft lite by a single low energy lamp (thats right, bitches i'm green). look for the pics on flickr tomorrow. it's such the little things. peace to you all -- and thanks for reading this discombobulated blog. ......................pugnpunk

funny how it comes

Tonight
From the cell
A blog
Have yet 2
Get the keyboard
Fixed on my laptop
And the computer
Not the form 4 this
Tonight

I met john candy
Not literally
But his gay twin
Thought me n his friend
Had the same shirt
From afar
It looked so
Upclose
Not so much

I made conversation tho
Witty, humor, banter
He walked away
Funny that
Some people don't get it
My humor

Some people
R
Scared 2 connect

Was out with leah
Who I love
Promoted recently
2 best friend status

1 o 4
1 I shoved a toothbruth down her throat
1 I haven't talked 2 in a month
1 I met when without shoes or socks
1 randomly in a bar
All friends 4 life

A teacher tonight was in pain
his husband in a car accidents
Results back an hour into class
Why r u here? I thought 2 myself
We ended early
And I'm dying in suspecion
Codependence

I want to know is the hubby ok
How is he doing?
Does he know we care
Just his students
But connected
Non the less

loving jimmy carter

“We now have endorsed the concept of pre-emptive war where we go to war with another nation militarily, even though our own security is not directly threatened, if we want to change the regime there or if we fear that some time in the future our security might be endangered,” he said. “But that’s been a radical departure from all previous administration policies.”
Carter, who won a Nobel Peace Prize in 2002, criticized Bush for having “zero peace talks” in Israel. Carter also said the administration “abandoned or directly refuted” every negotiated nuclear arms agreement, as well as environmental efforts by other presidents.
Carter also offered a harsh assessment for the White House’s Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives, which helped religious charities receive $2.15 billion in federal grants in fiscal year 2005 alone.
“The policy from the White House has been to allocate funds to religious institutions, even those that channel those funds exclusively to their own particular group of believers in a particular religion,” Carter said. “As a traditional Baptist, I’ve always believed in separation of church and state and honored that premise when I was president, and so have all other presidents, I might say, except this one.”
Douglas Brinkley, a Tulane University presidential historian and Carter biographer, described Carter’s comments as unprecedented.
“This is the most forceful denunciation President Carter has ever made about an American president,” Brinkley said. “When you call somebody the worst president, that’s volatile. Those are fighting words.”
Carter also lashed out Saturday at British prime minister Tony Blair. Asked how he would judge Blair’s support of Bush, the former president said: “Abominable. Loyal. Blind. Apparently subservient.”
“And I think the almost undeviating support by Great Britain for the ill-advised policies of President Bush in Iraq have been a major tragedy for the world,” Carter told British Broadcasting Corp. radio.

propecia is my hero

mom, please dont' watch

everyone else

free game

in the news

from the toronto star
fascinating on many levels
rosie o - mayrtr (i know i spelled that wrong)


Rosie got boot because she dared to ask tough questions
May 01, 2007 04:30 AM
Antonia Zerbisias

Last Wednesday, in the immediate aftermath of the announcement that dominated the American news agenda and cycle for days, CNN's Larry King was in hot pursuit of the story.

Rude, lewd, crude Rosie O'Donnell was leaving ABC's daytime talk show The View.

Naturally, King was obligated to seek out The Combover Which Talks, Donald Trump.

"She's a disgusting person," said Trump, who has been trading insults with O'Donnell since January. "She's a slob."

Then he called for censorship.

"Sadly, after the Don Imus thing, people are going to have to be, I guess, more careful as to what they're saying," he said, as if the former MSNBC morning man's racist, sexist "nappy-headed hos'' line equals grabbing your crotch and saying "Eat me'' to The Ego Who Walks.

Insisting that O'Donnell had been fired instead of being unable to come to a contract agreement, Trump said O'Donnell was an `'embarrassment to this country.'' That's because she had latched on to the growing "9/11 Truth Movement," which dismisses the official story about the 2001 terrorist attacks.

Considering her controversial year on The View, it's interesting that O'Donnell came to the end of the line just as she was demanding answers to questions that millions are now asking.

For that, the full might of Fox News rose up to smite her. Those who had bought and sold the WMDs fairy tale attacked O'Donnell for daring to question the generally accepted explanation for the collapse of the World Trade Center.

"In America, we are fed propaganda and if you want to know what's happening in the world, go outside of the U.S. media because it's owned by four corporations. One of them is this one (ABC)," O'Donnell said in March, reaching an audience at least 15 times that of Fox News.

That's dangerous stuff. More dangerous than taking on Trump, who was followed on CNN by another outsized, outrageous woman: Roseanne Barr, also known for her crotch-grabbing and blunt talk.

Unlike all the blond-trophy-second-wife types flanking old men co-hosts all over the TV grid, neither Barr nor O'Donnell shut up and look pretty.

Not a single mainstream media news show is hosted by a woman who is aggressive and candid, the way that Bill O'Reilly is on Fox, or Joe Scarborough or Keith Olbermann are on MSNBC. There is no female David Letterman, Jay Leno, Jimmy Kimmel or Bill Maher.

Oprah Winfrey, as revealed on Bill Moyers' outstanding post-mortem on the pre-Iraq media last week, shut up audience members who questioned the Bushies. Ellen DeGeneres hasn't uttered a controversial word since she yelled, "I'm gay!" on her sitcom 10 years ago.

Has no network found the courage to offer, say, Sarah Silverman or Janeane Garofalo a platform? Or will O'Donnell's replacement be Red State straight?

King, who is floating the rumour that Barr could get the job, sought her opinion. "I think she has a lot of guts," said Barr. "And I think she put everything on the line to go on and say things that real Americans were talking about and wanting to hear about and which is just, you know, pretty much non-existent in the media.

"I mean, we could hear stuff about Anna Nicole's baby and gossip and dieting every day until we are blue in the face. It's kind of like ... dumbing women down and making them barefoot and pregnant again. And she changed that and I love her and I love freedom of speech."

So much for Barr's chances.

On the afternoon after O'Donnell made her announcement, she blogged about that day's taping for an upcoming episode of The View.

"(W)e had two 9/11 first responders both horrifically sick," she wrote, in her trademark lowercase freestyle poetry style. She spoke of all the unknowns in that smoking, toxic New York rubble and wondered how many emergency workers and citizens would eventually suffer:

"i cried/got into my car drove/ away from the studio/there were 3 dozen press people waiting/cameras video crews reporters/they leapt at the car/like i was britney or Lindsay/pushing flashing yelling/breaking news in america /i was the story, not (the sick emergency workers)/what's wrong with this picture?"

And that's why Rosie O'Donnell had to go. She messed up the pretty picture that the corporate media present.

She said it all.

latino urbanism

my upload server
is down
until it's fixed
this photobucket
shitty ass quality
will have 2 do
i can't deal
anymore
u get the point

....

tonite i watched
from a friends
new powerbookplus
i want one
someone tell me
why 2 get a desktop
instead

i've taken the film down
the tech guy tells me
things should be fixed
tomorrow
you will have to wait

tonight after the show
went to the damnwells
so much fun
except brit
being a retard
i stayed outside

that is all
i have
a stupid
art
"project"
2 do

1984 anyone?!

yesterday the president called the queen 300 years old
the debates both democratic and republican
a sad sad state of affairs
what's even more pathetic...

Verizon is one of the phone companies currently being sued over its alleged disclosure of customer phone records to the NSA. In a response to the court last week, the company asked for the entire consolidated case against it to be thrown out—on free speech grounds.

The response also alleges that the case should be thrown out because even looking into the issue could violate state secrets, of course, but a much longer section of the response tries to make the case that Verizon has a First Amendment right to "petition" the government. "Based on plaintiffs' own allegations, defendants' right to communicate such information to the government is fully protected by the Free Speech and Petition Clauses of the First Amendment," argue Verizon's lawyers.

Essentially, the argument is that turning over truthful information to the government is free speech, and the EFF and ACLU can't do anything about it. In fact, Verizon basically argues that the entire lawsuit is a giant SLAPP (Strategic Lawsuit Against Public Participation) suit, and that the case is an attempt to deter the company from exercising its First Amendment right to turn over customer calling information to government security services.


good god someone put me out of my misery...

mama

cleaning the house today
new lease...i'm gona stay
came across an old journal
this entry i had to post
cira 2005...word 4 word

she's adorable
my mother
one of a kind
diamond in the ruff
ok, now i'm just corny
i mean damn you
get the point
but i love that woman
ooooh mama!

she's a strong broad
my mama
she hasn't had the most typical life
my mama
not typical at all
my mama!

growing up she was a lonely lady
she sure as hell didn't show it
to those outside looking in
a glimse here and there
for those she holds so dear
after a while around mama
it was abundantly clear

she's back to all those happy things
i love about this strong broad
for some reason...i've always wanted to say that
calling my mama a broad...
so taboo-
me!

i love my mama!
ooooh mama
all this mama talk
i gotta go
gotta go call her STAT
and hear that familary voice
"Heeeey Scott"
of which i've become
way too well aware.

NOTE: I can't because i'm on the phone with steven talking about moms.

20/20 My Secret Self

long video post
i know i know
20/20 special
my ssecret self
aired last friday
on transgendered children
open ur mind
& ur heart
and watch

check it out
5 video clips
in its entiretly
below...












peace is possible
that is the word!

phone call ratio

# of calls recieved
2
# of calls returned

a two on one ratio
i can totally handle
4 on one sometimes
but 30 to 0
no deal

seriously though
i was interviewing shrinks
and got a bunch of #s
recomendations
if u will

made the phone calls out
messages left 4 all
those who called me back
2 or less times
i made an apointment

does anyone else feel me?



ps............................
i wish i knew how to turn comments on, or anything on this site for that matter. up to 1200 visitors last month. seriously who is out there?!
my tech guy (aka friend doing favors) is in the middle of some zillion dollar deal with myspace or friendster. new plans are in the works. but unless someone wants to donate the cash -- i'll have to wait!

Little babes

A little boy
Walking
1st days

I am out
Smoking
In my boxers

So curious
They r
At that age

'Slow down
Slow down'

Grandma & mom
Say chasing after

You will be saying that
For the rest of his life
I respond

We all laugh
Nervous laughter

As I smoke a cigerette
Out on the balcony
In my boxers

i don't get email & lookit i'm still alive
kelly ripa said this morning on live
breaking news i've decided we couldn't come 2 terms with abc
rosie o'donnell said this morning on the view
watch out for daytime tv
it kills

i'm listening to jonny mcgoverns podcast gay pimpin
jonny is in the big gay sketch show
i got it monday on itunes
funny shit

last week an unbearable tragity struck our country
as i thirty minutes into a workout watched disbelief
here we go again
i thought
2 myself

my roomate is moving out - well my charge
mixed emotions flood thru my head
i'm glad we can
be friends
again

life is overwhelming right now
when i write it...put it out there
i can breathe
and begin
again

peace

something new

why are things so fucking exciting
when they are new
butterflies
yo

he's in vegas
we talk nightly
100+ texts daily
it's all good
i keep telling
my skeptical brain
it is what it is

they met at the gym
her and him
thier age difference
daunting
it seems

he barely out of his teens
she was a teen in the 80s
but somehow thru drive
determination
will - call it what u may
they began to fall

his work - it seemed
would get in the way
although she somehow
looks way beyond it

they're on a break
to cool things off
r things really that hot
i asked
skeptical
me

i hope it works out
cuz life says it won't
ahh life
wtf does it know

they might be giants plays
instanbul not constantinople
happy fun tunes
i'm jammin 2day

map 72 hours of ur life
was the assignment
the ideas open
my mind surged

i'm doing trim n cleanse
its a colon cleanse system
and i use the bathroom
a ridiculous amount

so that's what i'm maping
in a bowl
with 3d "E"s
18 of them
painted brown

call it what you want
the butterflies
flicker
peace

sia sings

BREATHE ME (watch the music video below)
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
UNFOLD me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere else to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
UNFOLD me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
UNFOLD me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

april fools

news to open with
i met someone
i know shocking
met in the oddest
of places
funny that

this time it's
something worth
talking about
talking is what
we do a lot

we are taking it slow
something new for me
it's healthy i reported
to an ageless friend
healthy isn't good
4 us
she retorted

sarcasm saves me
i am funny
this i know

real scares me
truth holds answers
some i'm afraid
2 find

tonight i wrote a note
to my 1st grade teach
30 years @ the job
a party to be held
as well it should

my mama asked me
2 contribute
how could i say no
so i put life aside
to write

it's funny how the words just come
when you sit down to reflect
and write something 2 someone
who changed your life
as all my teachers did

just found out a new friend
someone i know is 4 life
is going away
2 get help
on a problem
i know all 2 well

i wish her luck
send all my love
can only imagine
the uncertainty
unsatisfied
disappointment
she must feel

i will see her tom night
will give her a little gift
and wish her the best
make sure she knows
i love her
am rooting 4 her
i'm on her team
will be there
in every way
i can

i cannot save everybody
i said tonight
2 mama
on the phone

love and light
2 u all tonight
there is peace
4 a minute
in iran

the news

from jibjab.com
i love thier videos
check it

What We Call the News | Send To Friends | Funny Animations at JibJab

funniest daily show segment

i watched this running
on the treadmill
last week
in the gym
@ the loft

been waiting for it
on u tube
here it is

texas

a week without a blog
pics have been posted
much more to come
i was out of town
in dallas
and texas

so good to see old friends
family too...we got along
score one for healthy
disfunction score no comment
it's good to know
in small does
it can be done

they might be giants
is blaring full volume
dallas brings back
old music 4 me
maybe it's because
every bar there
plays music 10 yrs old

just went the doctor
who treated me like a lepor
i hate new doctors so much
blood was drawn
i will show the point
for days to come
reminded of days past

i am medically dependent
will be prob 4 ever
adhd gad sad
the letters seem arbitrary
the symtoms so real

a good friend
staying with me
driving me up
bananas
pms she blaims
accountablility??
responsibility??
the question 2 me
what the fuck ever

it is so true
you give
without expectations
as nothing will be gotten
in return

reign over me
is a film
that must be seen
by all
long, sad
yes
a must see
4 sure

peace

we cut each other off
she and me
finishe each others
stories
w/ stories
of our
own

adam sandler
on late late show
tonight
so adorable
great
not a talk show host
but nothing but good
all same

i bought lily allen's CD
tonight
out with
an old friend

funny that is
friendship

this hot bitch
i can't see
4
six months

yet 2 minutes
we're back at it
dick 2 dick
ass 2 ass
if u will

graphic i know
i'm going home
to tejas
got
2
get
it
OUT!

facebook

i never check my facebook
i joined the site
to look at pictures
a long time ago
i can barely handle my myspace
overwhelm

so the point is i really should
because my sole friend, my little brother
always sends me the best drunk emails
on facebook
giving me shit for not having friends

he's out of the country for months
so here's the email
a responce 2 something i wrote
god knows when
from price taylor
enjoy!

so since you're famous, i guess i hafta get used to you writing in poetry

i'm changing my political views to "ultra conservative" after spending a week with the Truitts... Mrs. Truitt has convinced me that modern society is trying to castrate the male, and that Nansi Pelosi is Satan

in just seven days
almost six
i will b
a quarter of a century old

i'm normally retardedly flippant
about my birthdays
but this one
not so much
wtf

why do people seek validation
why can't we just be ok
with ourselves

as i go into my 25th year
vision is clearer
life is beautiful
all is well
but up in the air
as is existence
wtf

i haven't stood up
in forever
i have dates booked
later this month
with nothing 2 talk about
flying by the seat of my pants
is me

tom i have a presentation
i will fly
without wings
hope springs eternal

there is no path
the path is made
by walking it

peace out
as she says
daily
annoying
maybe

12 step programs

I know I’m probably going to burn in hell for saying this, who are we kidding I was going to hell long ago. I do not get twelve step programs. I mean I’m all for anything that helps someone get better. But how naïve is it to believe ones life is fully manageable by just following twelve steps. Twelve steps to changing a flat on a car? Maybe. I wouldn’t know I’ve never done it. Lets break this down.

The first step is to admit you are powerless and your life has become unmanageable due to blank (insert ailment, drug, alcohol, addiction here). Frankly if one has really become “powerless” and their life is “unmanageable” then I think whatever they’re wasting time in that meeting for is probably the least of their problems.

The second step is realizing that a power greater than oneself will return one to sanity. What power are we talking about? A chemical plant? Let’s face it, and trust me on this, when you’re sanity is gone – IT’S GONE!

The third step is something about turning your life over to god…blah di blah blah. It’s boring and stupid. If I’m turning my life over to anyone it’d be to the state and only after due process and trail by jury.

The fourth, and this is where the shit starts to get good, is to make a “searching” and “fearless” moral inventory. First of all, an inventory that’s moral? Isn’t that an oxymoron? You know people always fudge the numbers when they do that kinda shit. I mean I know every time my liquor store has a few bottles of Grey Goose missing when they do inventory. Yet, Sanji hasn’t said a word to me about it. And they have cameras. It’s just not worth the effort.

The fifth you have to admit to said god and a fellow groupie all your wrongs. I’m guessing this would be what you recorded from said inventory. Which we have already learned no one wants to put forth the effort to ensure that is done correctly. See above about my pal Sanji.

The sixth says you have to be ready to let god, as you see god to be, to remove your defects of character. First of all if there really was this so called god, and she was really willing to take the time away from her schedule that’s booked for months in advance to remove your little character defects individually. Defects, mind you, she gave you since she is the creator (right?) - then I certainly wouldn’t have near as many failed relationships that’s the god damn truth!

And of course in the seventh this powerful, generous, mind-changing god (what a woman!) removes your shortcomings. Talk about a major score and all because steps six and seven say so!

Steps eight and nine are my favorite. This is where whatever the person is stepping their way out of, well basically it all goes to shit. These steps are all about making lists of all people you’ve wronged and making amends to them. Now seriously, when’s the last time your buddy whose in AA apologized to you for that time you picked his blacked out carcass off the couch he just peed and rolled him on his side so he wouldn’t choke on his own vomit? Or your friend saying, “you remember i used to steal all your shit to pawn for smack…my bad”? Bare in mind we already know most of these ‘friends’ are total liars and it doesn’t matter what they say. You wouldn’t believe them anyway, right?

In step ten you continue to do all of the above – admitting when your wrong and making amends. Now this is totally bullshit and I’m saying it. We all know at least a few people “working the steps”. And you KNOW every single one of the sons of bitches is the most selfish person in the world. They are never wrong and could give two shits whatever logical, sane reason you might have to debate them. They’re way too busy thinking about themselves. Just like children and Paris Hilton.

Step eleven totally discredits the earlier steps as it says through prayer and meditation (not medication as originally I had read) you are to constantly strengthen your relationship with god and referring to said god as Him. First of all, we already established earlier that god is a woman. Second, in step eleven (I know – enough with the numbers already) it says god AS YOU UNDERSTAND TO BE. They tell you to understand god as you see fit, and then later say god is a dude. What if someone understood god to be a transsexual or a beautiful phoenix (a mystical fictional creature – google it)? You can see where people start to loose their faith can’t you?

The twelfth step is the one I know all people in these programs are hooked on. Ironic as I thought you were supposed to “work the steps” in order. As we’ve already established going in order people would have jumped ship long ago. However this step may be informative for some. It talks about spreading the message of the steps to other people with said affliction (formerly referenced as blank; see above). That’s why everyone in a fucking program talks about nothing but the program, how much everyone would benefit from going to the meetings. They’ve got every reason in the world, every excuse in the book to try to peer pressure you to going just once – swearing it will change your life forever. Seriously if sitting around listening to a bunch of strangers “share” (gripe!) their experience for an hour is going to do anything for me, whatever that is count me out. You can find me in the valley trying to score weed.

Perhaps the ultimate horror is saved till the end of the whole process. At the end of each meeting the cigarette smoke and coffee aroma filled room all hold hands and say some sort of cultish mantra. Seriously, if you want to hold hands and chant so bad – join a monastery for god sakes!

wise random words

there is no path, the path is made by walking it

best moment last sunday

I READ TAMMY'S BLOG
WAY BACK WHEN
BEFFORE THEN
A FIREND OF A FRIEND

I WANT THIS
FOR ME
THE LOVE
THE INSPIRATION
THE FOREVER

NOT FROM ME
BUT TAMMY

on the way to the red carpet, we traipsed through an underground tunnel-type-thingie. the irony of "backstage underground tunnels" always makes me laugh: me in my millions of bling, honey in her dashing ensemble, waltzing through puddles of watery cola, and crunching through the dropped and forgotten pretzel pieces. i remember looking at honey, surprised at how flattering the navy color looked on her. i have never been a fan of navy, and just because it is "in" doesn't me me appreciate it any more than i already do(n't). but there, in an old-cabbage-stinky tunnel between hollywood way and some other street, i realized that indeed, honey looks very good in navy. and on we walked. i was trying not to trip over my hemline that was 6 inches too long in front. (mental note: don't listen to the lovely people who advise that the longer hemline is more flattering... I'M the one who trips up in my own train the entire night. terribly awkward.)

at one point in the flourescently lit tunnel, i caught the distinct smell of a greasy kitchen. that sort of "cheap-dish-washing-soap-and-french-fries-and-old-tequila" scent that only comes complete with white tops and black and white checkered pants. i wore that outfit when i worked in the purdue cafeteria summer of '93. you do what you gotta do to get out of dodge, right? so that smell, that sort of wet, tornado-celler-y smell... it wafted right by me and as old visions of purdue passed on by, the memories from the eagles club smacked me upside the head. clear flashbacks of the eagles' kitchen came thundering back to me like those southwestern storms that swallow you without warning.

the eagles. a lodge of sorts. very good-ol-boy driven, as it was explained to me. mom cocktailed there on tuesday, friday, saturday nights, and wednesdays and thursdays if they needed her. the moments in the tunnel reminded me of that kitchen where the rough-faced men with friendly smiles let me wander. if i was lucky, a kindly dishwasher might let me have the last measly piece of four-day-old apple pie that would otherwise meet the trash bin later in the evening. as i tripped over my hemline once more, i wondered if i'd ever get away from being a waitress' daughter. not that being a waitress' daughter is bad: i just thought that there might come a point where the reality of that seems further away than a sneeze. but truth be told... no matter how red the carpet is, no matter how big the check is, no matter who is across the table from me, it seems that there are parts of my life that just don't fade. nothing changes on the red carpet. if you got beat up in fourth grade, that doesn't go away once you hit the fame punching bag. no amount of makeup or diamonds chases the truth into some other experience.

at the end of the tunnel, steven stopped us and said, "It's just on the other side here." the tunnel fell silent without our scuffling and mumbling. i put on my heels, gave my slippers to some lady who was also carrying my breast pump, and looked at honey. there are so many times in life where we have no words to say to one another. where there are no words that can convey our feelings any clearer than a deep look into the others' eyes. and so we fueled up in our gazes, and passed a smile back and forth. wall or no wall, door or no door, the anticipation was a deafening roar in my ears. i heard the drip of water somewhere, and it still smelled like the eagles again. and right then i wondered if at the end of the night, would i feel any different than that moment right then?

i watched honey nod at steven, he nodded to us, we nodded back, we all stood around nodding and then the door got a little stuck. it was very heavy. no dramatic entrance. i think i even stumbled over my hemline again. already my feet were reminding me that i was born to wear slippers.

the carpet really was red, and this carpet was the width of a boulevard in hollywood. and up and down this red carpet were cameras. cameras of all kinds. at the other end of the carpet was the theatre we needed to get inside. the goal was to hit as many cameras and microphones as possible. well... honey's goal was to speak and smile for as many people as possible, my goal was to not get misplaced. only my hemline was too long. and as people constantly stepped on it, i had to spend my time facing backwards, one hand on the back of my dress, saying politely to strangers, "I'm sorry... You're on my dress." ten minutes on the carpet, and my feet were already cursing. and we still hadn't stepped in front of the cameras yet.

i can not deal with
all the latest
in the busco
war of terror

people r treated
as objects
casualties
it kills me
inside

how can a person
living
breathing
being
be reduced
to
nothing

the world desperately needs moral leadership from america
and the foundation of moral leadership is telling the truth
john edwards

anyone else feel like
here we go again
still bling
still silent
louder than b4
maybe
but
silence

anna nicole smith
laid to rest today
finally
she was sensational
what a life
finally complete
i hope she b
ahh after life...
anna nicole
ANS = 1 person
gone forever

the count of PEOPLE
gone forever
in this war
of patriatism
sensational each of them
in their courage
bravery
unconditional comitment
i can't even begin
2 fathom
being in their shoes
peace ya'll

just got 2 blog

tonight i watched
cynthia mcfafden
with the outsiders
i relate
on so many levels
addictions
is a bitch

i saw ellen
on the oscars
bravo
way 2 go
she rocks
my world
like a
country
girl

my obsession
with spacing
and imcomplete
sentences
its a blog
thing

i'm getting into this
doing research
on world of warcraft
or witchraft
wow

this crazy
game
people
r
addicted
crazy
u
tell me

peace out
rosie odonel says
each day on the rosie show
i mean the view
wasn't it
take a little
time
2 enjoy the view?
now it's peace out
ya'll

wait for it

watch all the way thru
i guarentee u will pee ur pants

four hundred seventeen

that is the number of visits to my website since the new year. it's kind of an astonoshing number, almost makes me want to turn commenting on so i can see who you all are. but then i rethink that. i like having my own little world. where i can post whatever comes to mind and know that strangers are reading it for one reason or not. i like to think people relate to something i said, or search something and up i pop. but god knows how people find this site and come back to check it. all i know is i'm happy you're here and welcome!

my horoscope today was spot on, a trippism. it's frightening to me how on point that kind of stuff is. i've been going through the ringer lately. stress, stress, and more stress. who knew being an adult would be so much work? not me. that much i can tell you.

in less than a month, i have a scarey birthday coming up. for some reason i am deathly terrified of turning 25. i know what most are thinking -- 25 you have got to be fucking kidding me. ok maybe my grandma left out the fucking; who am i kidding grandma has a computer but she sure as hell isn't wasting her time on my website. if and when she does i know i'll hear about it. let's just hope she took her heart medication that day.

there's a new thing on here i've just noticed, i can label my posts. other blogs do it. i can barely title my ramblings. don't look for labels anytime soon.

i've been blocked, for almost three weeks now. i used to write jokes everyday. i haven't written or attempted in three weeks. somethings up..that much i can confirm to you. could be the end of the quarter and the hellacious amount of writing that comes with it. could be my lazy ass needs to motivate.

I AM A SMART ASS
SARCASTIC
CYNICAL
BITING
WITTY AT TIMES
ALWAYS HAVE BEEN
ALWAYS WILL BE

ok felt i had to put that out there.

big surprises coming up for someone i love.

look out

change

why is change so hard
tonight friends over
some new, some old
we tried to break rules
rules are put in place
4 a reason

new living situation
it's hard & sucks
u try to respect
space
time
heals
all

someitmes i feel like
all i do is give
give
give
give

but i can not help but ask
when is it my time
to be given to
to take

ro ruined a custom piece
expensive i can't stop thinking
replacable
but isn't it all

jt is blarin' on my itunes
itunes - i hate it
did i mention that

the song holds meaning
deeper meaning that i know
what goes around
comes around

whens it my turn

larry king

ok i've become obsessed

first read some media

now watching

anna nicole smith

i know in my gut

is a much happier soul

free from this earth

larry king

we talk

every few months

i run into him

in LA

CNN building

my doc is there

don't ask

he seems like a together guy

he is such a respected journalist

i hope in my heart his staff 

does his show now

people talking about how she was exploited

by people in her life...while they get paid

to be on larry in different studios

her sisters pain so real, so raw

i guess it was true all along

she is a modern day marilyn

modern day just sucks

what is wrong with the people

behind the cameras

i'll never work again